Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
