you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
