I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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