hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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