so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
