So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dignity is for republicans.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
