I think my vagina is haunted
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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