I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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