You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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