so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
