Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
