We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I made him laugh his dick is mine
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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