Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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