I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Sober January is a disaster.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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