I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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