Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
