if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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