You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
