Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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