she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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