I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
