I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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