In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
