so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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