I just pynch a tree in the face
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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