Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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