Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
