Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
