i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
