i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
