I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
