Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
