the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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