I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
