All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I got inside last night via doggy door
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
