ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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