hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
