watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
