Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
