Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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