Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
