He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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