I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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