Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
