I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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