If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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