I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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