mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
