I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
