C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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