I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
