My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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