ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
