I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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