I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
